Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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