I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize