If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize