I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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