i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize