Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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