OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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