who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
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I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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