I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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