why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
