He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
