I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
