kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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