I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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