i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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