It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
