He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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