Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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