Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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