Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
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I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I want a musical about memes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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