Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even the bartender felt bad for me
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize