and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize