Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize