There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
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And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
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it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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