I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize