Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize