i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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