I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
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But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
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Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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