Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
