is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
