Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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