You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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