Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
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I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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