I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
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Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
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I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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