you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
That accounts for only three of the penises
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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