CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
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How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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