What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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