Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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