I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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