How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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