pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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