you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
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I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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