I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
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I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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