I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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