Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize