people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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