kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She told me I should be a condom model.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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