I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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