I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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