I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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