I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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