Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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