When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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