i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize