I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize