i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize