My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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